Smiles are a Privilege
by Zygella
Summary: Steven was always an upbeat little boy. But there were things in the back of his mind that would compromise that little boy. Doubts of his importance. Doubts on his life. What purpose did he really serve, besides putting everyone in danger?


**The sadness is real xD Oops. I know most people want me to keep updating Retied but I update that erratically so just be patient with me :P**

 **I've seen a lot of stories where Steven's in this funk and at the end he's always getting better. This is my take :P  
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It wasn't a thing that just popped up. Steven had been collectively getting doubts about himself for awhile now. The Gems may say that they love him, but there's always the little voice in the back of your mind where you think they just might be pulling your leg. They've certainly given him enough words that could make him wonder such a thing. He wouldn't lie that it was mostly from Pearl.

The Gems were off on a mission, and Steven was grateful they weren't there. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to think about these issues by himself.

There were times that he truly believed that the Gems would rather have Rose there with them than him. They had many more years with her than him. He was half human, he wasn't going to live very long. Gems could live forever, Rose could live forever. Was it really worth it?

And that question just led into the other; where did he belong? He belonged nowhere. He was a species of his own, he had no real place to be. Being a hybrid just brought too many cons. He was weaker than the other Gems, and he would never fully be a human. He was dangerous on his own levels. He was dangerous to humans because of his Gem, and he was dangerous to the Gems because he was weaker than them. He'd always put them in danger by being a deadweight.

"I just don't belong anywhere in this world... I don't have a good purpose either..." He mumbled, sliding off of his bed slowly, "there's no point. It would be best for everyone if I just disappear..."

He began to pack things in his cheeseburger backpack, prepared to leave. They would be better off without them. The world would. He finished packing whatever he wanted, and slowly walked towards the door. But as fate would have it, the warp pad began to go, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to leave without them seeing. He still walked out the door.

The Gems noticed him outside with his backpack, with a sad face. That got them worried.

"Steven?" Garnet called as the three of them walked out the door to join him.

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Don't try to stop me. You don't have to lie to me anymore. I'm going to leave and you won't have to be constantly in danger because of me anymore." He paused, clutching his Gem. "No one will be in danger anymore."

The boy's words hit them like a bag of bricks. Where was this coming from?

"Steven, what-?"

"I know!" He shouted, turning around to face them. His eyes burned with determination and sadness. "I know that you'd rather have mom than me, and I know I'm always the one to ruin important things! I constantly put you guys in danger during missions because I'm too weak, and normal people can't match up to my Gem powers! I belong with no one! I'm alone... and it would be better if I just got out of your way."

With that, the hybrid began his descent down the house stairs once more. The Gems exchanged looks, panic settling in as they realized what he was doing.

"Steven, please." Garnet pleaded, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Steven squirmed out of her touch, as if it burned him. Garnet brought her arm back, hit hard with his action. Didn't he understand that what he was doing now hurt them more than anything he could ever do on missions? All three Gems felt burning behind their eyes, and they knew if they didn't snap him out of this, they would lose him.

"Don't go...!" Pearl pleaded, trying desperately to hold her tears back. "Steven, if you leave... we won't... we won't be able..." She couldn't find the right words.

"Steven, look at me." Garnet called firmly, as she took off her shades. If this didn't snap him out of it, nothing could. "Look at us. If you don't want to hurt us, then don't do this. Please."

The boy stopped once more, taking a deep breath. He turned around and looked them all straight in the eye. He watched them in turns; Pearl, Amethyst... Garnet. Garnet was looking at him with such a strong sense of hurt, it stunned him. Steven he never seen such a look from her. He blinked, looking at Pearl and Amethyst again. They shared the same look the fusion did.

His throat tightened as he realized how much he was hurting them right now. What was he doing? His thoughts had clouded his better judgement. He bit his lip as he dropped his backpack, tears beginning to bud in his eyes. With a cry, he leapt at Garnet, who caught him and hugged him tightly. Amethyst and Pearl yelped, joining Garnet in hugging the little boy.

"I'm sorry!" He cried, the tears flowing down his face without control. "I got so caught up in the cons I bring that I forgot about the pros!"

"We're sorry too, Steven. We had no idea you felt that way. I can only assume we let you think that." Garnet said shakily, blinking quickly as tears of her own began to form.

Steven tightened his hold on Garnet, not wanting to let go. He felt comfort coming from the contact of the Gems, the ones he loved dearly. He only wanted to protect them, to do what's best for them. But leaving them was not the best. He knew this now.

None of them moved from the hug. Steven knew that they didn't want to let go either. The thought of losing him would be too much for them to bare; really losing him would be even worse.

Smiles were a privilege, but without him there, they were impossible.

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 **Mmm hmm... that sappy ending.**

 **Also, my SU Instagram is almost to 1K followers! :D Happy dance! (If you care, my name for IG is in my bio xD)**

 **R &R!**


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